Worried that you may be in a toxic relationship? How to talk about your situation and get the help you need

20 Jun, 2022 | admin | No Comments

Worried that you may be in a toxic relationship? How to talk about your situation and get the help you need

Worried that you may be in a toxic relationship?  How to talk about your situation and get the help you need
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  • According to Ellen Parker, CEO and founder of Safer Date, the world’s first dating app that requires ID and background checks for every sign-up.

    Trigger Alert – Topics of abuse and toxic relationships.

    Imagine your partner abusing you on the night of your engagement – someone you love, admire and respect turns into someone you don’t know before your very eyes.

    It’s difficult isn’t it? Because if you have agreed to marry someone, you probably trust them more than anyone else in the world. That’s why Ellen Parker founded Safer Date, the world’s first dating app that requires ID and background checks for every sign-up, when she found out her fiancé was abusive.

    It comes as, earlier this year, the Regional Economic Crime Coordination Center (RECCC) issued a warning on the importance of keeping in touch with friends and family not when they are dating, but especially, when they online dating. Why? Because the statistics of toxic relationships are difficult to assess, there has been a 382% increase in online dating crimes over the past five years and “romance fraud” – when someone is tricked into sending money to a con artist who makes them think Cheats say they love them – up 40% last year and the equivalent of £92m in the UK alone.

    “On top of this, 10% of known sex offenders use online dating sites to find their victims,” ​​shares Parker. “All of this needs to change to protect people.”

    Marie Claire YSL is working in partnership with Beauty & Women’s Aid’s “Abuse Isn’t Love” campaign to uncover the warning signs and empower victims to avoid toxic relationships.

    Here, Elaine Parker shares her story, as well as her top tips for talking to a friend about a toxic or abusive relationship. Read our guides on how to deal with a toxic parent, a toxic workplace, and low-grade depression while you’re here.

    What is a toxic relationship?

    Toxic relationships come in many forms, but Parker explains that the main signs to look out for are:

    • controlling behavior
    • lack of trust
    • jealous
    • financial control
    • Solitude.

    “Relationships usually start off great and you’re likely to be showered with gifts and compliments—also known as love-bombing,” she explains. “Then, things change quickly.”

    Has your partner ever started controlling who you see, isolating you from family and friends, checking your phone to see who you’re talking to, or withholding money? so that you can’t go out? “These are all signs of a toxic relationship,” Parker explains.

    Why do people in toxic relationships struggle to talk about themselves?

    For friends and family looking out, they want to see their loved one happy without upsetting them, shares the CEO.

    “Telling a friend that you are worried about the new love of their life can destroy the relationship. It is a really difficult conversation, but it is so important,” she continues.

    did you know? Parker shares Online dating sites may be the ideal place for criminals. Why? Because there is no legal standard to conform to the industry and there is a distinct lack of scrutiny in place.

    5 ways to talk to your friends about toxic relationships

    Telling a friend or family member that you are worried about their new partner is an extremely difficult task. The last thing you want to do is upset or isolate them—especially when they might seem really happy—but it’s so important not to ignore your feelings.

    1. Don’t Ignore Your Feelings

    First things first: Always trust your gut. “If you feel like something isn’t right and you’re worried, please don’t ignore it.”

    2. Start By Talking

    Next step: Open. “Talking is definitely the right place to start,” shares Parker.

    3. Or If You Can’t, Write It Down

    Writing about this topic is also a way to communicate your concern or let you know if your friend is experiencing a toxic relationship.

    “Whether you’re stuck in a dangerous relationship or you have a friend or family member who wants to voice your concerns but doesn’t know how to do so without upsetting someone, it’s a gentle way to help. Maybe,” she continues.

    Toxic Relationship: Two Women Talking

    4. Use Claire’s Law

    Do you really think it’s too difficult or your friend won’t listen? Try Claire’s Law.

    “Claire’s Law was established in 2014 to let people know if their partner, or a friend’s partner, has a history of domestic violence,” Parker explains. “Some of my friends and family have told me that they tried to communicate their concerns to me about my ex-partner. I clearly didn’t listen or agree, but if Claire was investigated in law, the police would. There is no way to ignore all the information stored by. Domestic abuse, violence, stalking….It was all there to be found.”

    Where to start? You can request a Claire’s Law investigation through your local police force by visiting the police station, calling 101, or contacting your local police via email. “Most police forces also have an online application process available through their websites. The process is pretty simple – I used it a few years ago for a friend who met someone online and I recognized their new partner’s behavior a lot. It turned out that she had a history of child abuse and was at risk of having her daughter removed from her care if she lived with him. ,

    “Yes, it was an awkward conversation, but I’m so glad I did and she was able to end the relationship without ever discovering the check.”

    5. Make Sure You Can Give Them the Right Support

    And finally, know that when you discuss the topic, you will also need to be able to offer the right support.

    If you need support or need to know how someone else can find the right support, try the following:

    • Women’s Aid: email [email protected]
    • Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline operated by Refugees: 0808 2000 247
    • Men’s Advice Line: 0808 8010 327
    • Mankind: 0182 3334 244
    • Gallop: 0800 999 5428
    • Karma Nirvana: 0800 5999 247
    • Honors: 0808 802 4040.

    “The relationship progressed fast – but why didn’t I see his toxic symptoms?”

    After escaping an abusive relationship, Ellen Parker established a safe date. Here, she shares her story.

    “I started using online dating apps in 2016. I was a single parent for years and I was scared of dating again. Despite my strong sense of independence and good social circle, I felt as though something was missing from my life. Some of my friends met their partners online and are still very happy with them, so I decided to give it a try.

    “I tried a really popular free dating site, thinking I had nothing to lose. I chatted with a few people. There was a mix of weird, boring, and downright weird people, but then I found someone like that. I got a message that stood out. He was charming, asked about me, could really hold a conversation, and that’s where it all started.

    “To make a long story short, we met for our first date, clicked, and I felt on top of the world. I literally had no idea what I was experiencing was a ‘love-bombing’ There was a thing called ‘. I had never heard of it.

    “Unfortunately, it worked out. The relationship escalated quickly. He moved in and we later got engaged. It was only on our engagement night that his true colors really emerged and from there it went from bad to worse.” Then I suffered domestic abuse, sexual assault, rape, stalking and harassment. Worse yet, he had a long history of domestic abuse and this behavior was practiced a lot, yet incredibly on dating apps was using.

    “He’s in jail now for what he did to me, but why didn’t I see his poisoning symptoms? Did anyone else see them? Did they try to tell me? It’s so hard to have a conversation, but it’s so important, That’s why I want to explore different approaches to help someone else in a situation like this.”

    If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, contact women’s aid and connect with a support worker new instant messaging,

    Read more about “abuse is not love”, and YSL Beauty and Women’s Aid’s partnership @ MarieClaireUK.

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